Table for one, please.

I smiled across the table, even though there was no one there to see it. Do you really need to smile only for others? I think once in a while, you deserve to smile just for yourself. No, I had not gone crazy. I had, however, enjoyed minutes of solitude, as I was eating out all by myself for dinner this evening. And I loved every moment of it.

What is wrong with dining by yourself? Is it really such a taboo? I’ve come to realize that there are some things that I took for granted as a single person. Things I now miss. Sometimes. Going to the movies by myself is one of those things. Having dinner alone at a restaurant, is another. I’ve always felt empowered by these activities. Perhaps because I felt I was being different. I am one of those social butterflies and so finding a dinner date was never a problem. Once in a while, however, I just simply didn’t want one.

Now that I am far from single, there is even a higher feeling of empowerment. An enlightenment? A luxury, even. How often do you find yourself surrounded by no one particular? (The staff and other patrons of the restaurant do not count). I am surrounded by people, decisions, activities, to do lists, to accomplish lists, to follow up lists, to pay lists, all the time. Having that “me” time is simply priceless.

I still found myself asking (and I’m sure whoever is reading this does also): “Why would I go to dinner by myself if I have a perfectly good husband at home waiting for me?” Indeed, why would I? Because none of my friends picked up the phone when I called them? No, that’s not it. Simply. Why not?

I enjoy moments of solitude. Does that make me an insane person? I don’t think so. If anything I am probably at the height of saneness. I sometimes even wonder whether I would make for a good bald monk in a bright red robe. A realization of the fact that I just like to be by myself once in a while is a simple acceptance. I feel lighter thinking about it.

And for a moment I even felt like I needed to make a point out of checking my phone, or reading a book, or looking through my huge bag finding some odd thing or another. I needed something that would say that I’m busy, even if I’m by myself. But why? Why can’t I just get lost in my own thoughts? And so I did. Call it a free therapy session. Well I guess it wasn’t totally free since I still had to pay for the food, but you get the gist.

I even tried overhearing other people’s conversations. You know, something to do. It’s quite easy when you’re by yourself. Especially when you have a phone or kindle, or in my case a notepad that you make it look like you’re playing with as you’re waiting for the food to arrive. It just wasn’t very interesting. (At least those conversations at that time weren’t very interesting to me.)

My only challenge then was actually ordering food for one. It is truly a challenge because whenever I am out with people or another person, we always share. So how much food should I order just for my individual self? Inevitably, I ordered a little more than I could handle. You live and learn.

For those that are concerned that I left my husband at home hungry. No worries. I took food to go, just for him.